“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:31-32, NLT).
You walk into a family gathering. You know it’s not right. Somebody in the room did you wrong. You hold a resentment that makes you seethe inside. Everybody knows what’s going on, but nobody says anything. You can cut the tension with a knife. Everybody plays nice on the surface, but inside, the resentment is eating away at everyone – including you. It’s like the elephant in the room. What do you do?
You were passed over for a promotion because someone purposefully misrepresented your efforts. You’re angry. You resent them. You vow to get even. What was once a happy workplace has become a place of darkness for you, yet you say nothing. The silence is like the elephant in the room. What do you do?
You’re taking care of a loved one who’s in bad health. You have brothers and sisters, but no one offers to lend a hand. You’re making doctor visits, you’re cooking the meals, you’re changing the sheets, and you’re working yourself ragged. What you’re doing is a noble effort, and though everybody sees how stressed you are, nobody does anything about it. You resent them, yet you remain silent. It’s like the elephant. What do you do?
At one time or another, most of us can identify with one these scenarios. So, in your case, what did you do to remove the elephant from the room of your heart?
Most people start with CONFRONTATION – which, by the way, is not always a bad thing, especially when approached with tact and love. We just have to learn to call the elephant what it is and get the feelings out on the table. An issue will never go away if it’s kept silent and buried inside.
Then comes the CONVERSATION. Discussing the truth may not always be pleasant, but it can be an absolutely freeing experience if we’re honest and just. And we must remember that for every word we say, it’s just as important to listen to every word said to us.
Finally comes RECONCILIATION. While it’s true that some resentments never get fully resolved, that doesn’t mean they have to weigh us down either. Even agreeing to disagree is better than the resentment of unspoken words. BUT, in most cases, true two-way FORGIVENESS is the result of reconciliation, and it is only through Forgiveness that the elephant of resentment leaves the room.
FORGIVENESS is what Jesus did for us, and it’s what He commands us to do with each other. Christ followers are to live with each other in community and with harmony through the Holy Spirit. Through Christ and the power of Forgiveness we can be free of the burden of resentment.
In this day and age of discord, fighting, and bitterness, we have to ask ourselves, “Am I doing my part toward forgiveness, reconciliation, and resolution?” In other words, “Am I representing truth and love to others, as Jesus has done to me?”
David McCall
Executive Pastor
